Kimiko on the run (haha)

Miko is turning one on the 9th. She started walking at 10 months (with assistance, of course), and now she can walk on her own but I’d much rather she walk with a harness of sorts because she has a tendency to rush and hurry and hence, to fall flat on her face.

I’ve long planned to put together a record of Miko’s development, but I’ve been lazy and whenever I look at her photographs with the initial intent of sorting them and putting captions on them, I end up daydreaming about she used to look like when she was born, or at five months, or six…

Miko’s first word was ‘mama.’ She was almost six months old. It was around 2 pm, and Kim and I were jolted awake when we heard her say ‘Mama’ from her crib.  I carried her excitedly (she was awake and it was her time to drink more milk) while Kim, like some giant moth kept hovering over the two of us, kept begging Miko to also say ‘Papa.’ Now Miko says ‘mama’ all the time; she knows me as ‘mommy’ and Kim as ‘daddy’, but when she wants to call my attention: ‘Mama!’

Her second word was ‘Tiger.’ She has two picture books and in them are two tiger cubs. She was seven months old, she was ‘reading’ in her crib and my sister Majalla and I were in the living room and we  had wheeled Miko’s crib bnext to the sofa. Miko pointed at the picture of the tiger cub and said ‘tiger.’ Imagine the shock her aunt and I felt! Ate Majal asked Miko to repeat what she said “Miko, we didn’t hear, sorry. What did you say?” Miko looked at her whitheringly — as if to say, gad, woman, clean your ears!- and repeated: “tyyyyyyygerrrrrr.”

Miko has a fairly wide vocabulary now, and it’s expanding everyday. To help her learn words, apart from talking to her like she’s an adult,  we surround her with books (she’s chewed and eaten the spines of several), and for the most part, she seems to like looking through them. She spends at least an hour every day ‘reading’, on her own, or with one of us. She likes it best when she’s being read to, and her current favorites are “Mama, do you love me?” (It’s an Inuit storybook where there are polarbears and musk ox and lemmings in mukluks and Ptarmigan eggs), “Mama,Mama” (Animal babies and their moms: a baby koala tells his mom, ‘Mama, mama, carry me; life me up so I can see’; while a baby chimpanzee asks Mother Chimpanzee , “Mama, mama, make me clean, every day the same routine”), and ‘Maurice Sendak’s ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ (”Let the wild rumpus start!”).

We know she knows what the words refer to because she either points at the object in her books when we tell her the word for it; or she gets it herself when the object is within reach. So far, Miko knows fish, snake, penguin, Nanuk (Inuit for ‘polar bear’), ball, dog, kitten, rabbit, tiger, book, phone, tv, shoes, nappy, wall, bed, banana, Winnie (The Pooh; Miko has a Pooh bear and Nanuk, a snow bear), bottle, pillow. She knows where her eyes, nose and ears are; she points to her tummy and the kitchen when she wants to eat; at her room when she wants to sleep; the window when she wants to go outside. If you tell her it’s time for her bath, she will lift her arms and let you carry her to the bathroom and her tub.  She knows  soap, shampoo, water, food and cracker.

Pontiki

Is it so bad that  I want a Pontiki? That, and a couple of other toys (Lego has a Harry Potter series, and I want one the box with the Shrieking Shack in it and a minifig of  tragic hero Prof.  Severus Snape; also, it would be great if I had a train set, with the trains made of wood; or those paper dolls made by Legacy Designs)? I reaaally want one, and I want to put it on my desk so I could tinker with it during breaks. I want to pull it apart and then put it back together. I  want to look at it and smile.

I could buy it, sure; but to what ends? I’m supposed to be a grown-up (I have Miko, fer cryin’ out loud!), and I have adult responsibilities…

Still, I want a Pontiki! I just let this idea I have of getting one simmer and then decide next week if I will succumb to my more childish urges or resist and instead use the moolah to get Miko, say, new books (she gets bored after a week or two).

Or I could use Miko as an excuse (that she will inherit the Pontiki from me!)? Nah.

—-

There are so many serious issues that I could blog about today, but darn if I can muster enough seriousness and sobriety to pick one. It’s a hot Tuesday afternoon and the aircon is on full-blast, but the very idea of how the heat continues to bake and fry hapless ants on the sidewalk just outside the building is enough to make me feel parched all over. My brain isn’t working properly.

Thoughts about the Pontiki aside, I had a major argument with Kim this afternoon via YM, and I hours later I still feel like murdering innocent lambs and calves. Kim is a true-blue Vulcan, ever logical and ever scientific (his words, not mine) in his arguments, but he is also ruthless like a Romulan and he will dissect your argument with a scalpel until it is laid bare and you feel so frustrated and annoyed because all the freakin’ effort and hullaballoo was just over Miko’s latest cute trick (picking out imaginary lice from her hair and then popping said lice into her baby mouth).

“Did Miko see a monkey do the same thing?”

No.

“Did Miko see anyone do the same thing (an adult or another child)?”

No.

“But it’s impossible for Miko to have simply picked up the trick without first seeing someone else do it; after all, babies are great imitators. So it wasn’t a miracle, was it now? You weren’t being logical or scientific.”

Who said it was a miracle? And where the hell do logic and scientific thinking come in?

Jeezum crow and freaking hell, I was just telling a freaking story. Gad. Kim can be so literal, so boring that I want to commit suicide; but not before I tell him off for being such a %^$#@$#^(%$.

So maybe this is why I want a Pontiki (yes, we’re back to the Pontiki), because I’m so stressed out after arguing with a robot and maybe, with a Pontiki, I can de-stress.

On the whole, I admire Kim’s intellect. But not when he uses it to be such an exacting @#$^##@%! and he’s barely human.He admires  Spock; but he’s being the young Spock and not the one who matured and embraced the human aspect of his nature and being with all its flaws and weaknesses. If and when he reads this, he will probably frown and be exasperated as to why on earth I would want yet another toy to add to the clutter on my desk here at work or the shelves at home where the dust gathers on the leaves of the FlipFlap and the Darth Tater.

I don’t care. I will be illogical (he will also say that this entire blog has no logic and smacks of emotion and for that it should be deleted) and I will be unscientific (when one is being emotional, one is in danger of making unscientific opinions, initiating unscientific actions — such as blogging and dissing your husband) and I will get a Pontiki!

Or maybe not. I’ll think about it some more.

And I’m still sore about the argument with Kim (who will say it wasn’t an argument: he’ll reason out that it was just him trying to clarify matters. I will insist, on the other hand, that he was an effing pedant and it made my hair turn white with frustration trying to get him to baaaaaack off).

In the meantime, I’ll pretend I’ve already bought a Pontiki and it’s here on my desk.

Isang taon makalipas kang pumanaw

Hi, Ka Bel!

Alam mo po, miss na miss ko na kayo. Hanggang ngayon ngayon nga, nahihirapan pa rin akong magsulat ulit tungkol sa inyo. Ngayon nga lang habang tina-type ko ang mga salitang ito para sa iyo, namumuo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Sinisipon ako, at sumasakit ang dibdib: parang kinukurot, at mahapdi sa pakiramdam.

Tama bang sabihin na hanggang nagyon ay di ko pa rin tanggap na wala ka na? Oo. Oo.

Hanggang ngayon nahihirapan pa rin ako tuwing naalala kong wala na kayo. Na hindi ko na kayo makakausap, na hindi na ako magsusulat muli sa iyong pangalan.Na hindi ko na maririnig ang inyong nakakahawang tawa, at makikita kung paano kayo magsulat — napakalandi at napaka-gandang handwriting.

Napakabait ninyong tao, Ka Bel. Walang bola, walang biro: wala kayong katulad o katapat.  Sa sipag at katapatan sa sinumpaang gawain, wala akong ibang maisip na katulad ninyo.  Kasi, naging katapat ng iyong  sipag ay ang inyong kabaitan at pagiging mapagkumbaba. The best boss in the world — and that’s an understatement when applied to your case. It was really the highest honor to work with and for you, Ka Bel.

Sa isang taon na hindi namin kayo kapiling Ka Bel,  hindi maipagkakaila na dama ang inyong pagkawala, lalo na sa mga aktibidad at pagkilos ng KMU. Napakatangal na panahon na kayo ang tumayong matibay na pinuno ng KMU, at sa lahat na dinaanang problema at tagumpay ng KMU, andun kayo, matiyagang nagsisikap at palagiang naghahanap ng paraan upang itambol ang mga isyu ng mga manggagawa at ng kilusang paggawa.

Sa 12 na taong nakatrabaho ko kayo, Ka Bel, napakalaki ng epekto ng inyong disiplina at paraan ng pagtatrabaho sa akin. Between you and Ka Raffy, masasabi kong  nabuo ang aking pagiging aktibista, at nakita ko kung ano ang tamang aktidud na dapat tanganan. Syempre pumapalpak pa rin; syempre may mga kahinaan pa rin; pero pag naiisip ko kayo — ikaw at si Ka Raffy — mas madaling magwasto; mas madaling umamin ng kamalian at magsikap na hwag na uling maulit ang mga ito.Mas madaling makita kung bakit kailangang maging mas matibay laban sa mga makasariling kagustuhan at ambisyon. You taught by example, Ka Bel; and the lessons I learned were very valuable and will serve me all my days, sa loob ng kilusan man o sa labas.

Ka Bel, may anak na po ako. Si Kimiko. “Miko” po ang tawag namin sa kanya. I wanted for her to meet you, kaso nga, nawala na kayo. Nung palapit na ang panahon ng kanyang pagsilang, pinag-isipan naming mag-asawa kung papangalanan namin siyang “Crispina,” kaso alangan namang ‘Ka Belina” ang maging nickname niya, kaya “Kimiko” na lang. Anyways, Miko’s 10 months old, and she’s brilliant (ahem!). Kim and I will make sure na lalaki siyang alam kung sino kayo at kung ano ang naging napakalaking kontribusyon ninyo sa lipunang Pilipino, at sa kabuuan ng kasaysayan ng paglaban ng uring  anakpawis sa daigdig.

Ang dami-dami kong gustong ikwento sa inyo, Ka Bel.  Halimbawa, kahit minsan hindi ko nagawang banggitin sa inyo ang sobrang pasasalamat ko sa inyo nang ihatid ninyo ako sa Isabela nang mamatay ang ama ko. Alam kong pagod na kayo nun, Ka Bel; pero pinilit nyo pa rin akong ihatid kahit ilang beses kong sinabing pwede naman akong mag-bus at hindi naman ako takot byumahe mag-isa. Nagulat ang lahat nang dumating tayo sa bahay ng lola ko kung saan nakalagak ang mga labi  ng aking tatay. Nagulat at natuwa naman ang aking mga kamag-anak, at lubos-lubos ang pagpapasalamat sa inyong pakikiramay. Kayo naman ay ngumiti lang at nagsabing hindi talaga kayo papayag na umalis akong mag-isa, nang hindi kayo nakakapunta sa lamay ng aking tatay at makidalamhati sa aking ina at kapatid.

Noong gabi makalipas na kayo’y dalhin na inyong himlayan, napanaginipan ko kayo, Ka Bel. Ang saya-saya ng panaginip na iyon! Paano ba naman ay nakangit kayo sa akin. Hindi kayo nagsalita, ngunit nakangiti kayo, at maging ang inyong mga mata ay nakatawa din, at sa panaginip ko, habang kinakausap ko kayo, ang gaan-gaan ng aking pakiramdam. Paggising ko, hindi na umalis ang masayang damdamin: isang paalam ba iyon, Ka Bel? Iyon ba ang inyong paalam sa akin, waring isang pasabi na ihinto ko na ang pag-iyak dahil okey na kayo? Ito na lang ang inisip ko Ka Bel, at ang alaala ng inyong huling ngiti sa akin ang palagi kong bitbit.

O sya, Ka Bel. Dito na muna. Bukas ay first death anniversary ninyo. Maraming aktibidad, at sana’y makapunta ako. Aabsent muna ako sa trabaho. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo, Ka Bel.

Healthy Options Shangri-la sucks

Well, that should get their attention.

Kimiko has atopic dermatitis, so she’s allergic to a lot of things and we really have to be careful about what she eats. Sometimes she gets bored of the usual organic rice lugaw, so I get her cereal from Healthy Options — that and  the bottled juice, fruits and veggies, all of which are supposed to be organic.

Anyways,  I usually buy from the Healthy Options branch in Ayala. It’s the most convenient branch for me; but last Wednesday (or was it Thursday?) I opted to go the Shangri-la branch because it was raining and I didn’t feel like walking the distance from the MRT Ayala Station to Greenbelt Park.

Pagdating ko sa branch, I went directly to the shelves. Immediately I noticed how bored and snooty the made-up cashier and store personnel were (they did look snooty, they did!). They didn’t even lift their heads to say ‘good evening, mam.’(Not that I require or demand salespersons to kowtow or salaam to me, pero the difference between the Ayala staff and the Shangri-la staff was glaring because the former are always smiling and pleasant when I visit their store).

Okay, so there I was, picking out the jars of fruit and vegetables and cereal for Miko. One of the counterpersons walked near and no, she didn’t ask me if I needed help, she looked at me like I was going to shoplift! Holy heck, I wasn’t paranoid. Okay sure, so I wasn’t dressed to the nines, but still.

I went to the vitamin supplement shelves and asked for a bottle of fenugreek. Aba, another counterperson walked up, lazily reached up to take a jar, then handed it to me. The boredom couldn’t have been more obvious on her face. When I asked if they had a smaller jar (kasi 100 capsules agad, I wanted to try out 50 capsules first), she looked at me with something akin to a smirk — as if to tell me , what, you can’t afford a P675 bottle? – and answered “wala”‘ in a bored tone that matched her previously bored look.

Okaaaay. Hell, I know it’s somewhat conceited, but I’ve been told that when I speak English I sound like an American, and it was the freaking first time that I wanted to give someone a dressing down  in English, complete with the freaking twang. E putsa, the Shangri-la Healthy Options staff had the look of bigots — parang they prefer their customers in Giorgio Armani or Escada before they serve them with a smile. Should I have spoken to them in English instead of Filipino? Wait, the last time I checked, I was still in the Philippines and  don’t give a centavo’s worth of pakialam that the Philippines is supposed to be the third biggest English-speaking country. Would it have made a difference if I spoke in a foreign tongue?

Sa pagmumukha ng mga staff sa Shangri-la, I think yes, it would have. Anak ng #$%%^$@@$^&@!

I paid and walked out. At the time I wasn’t upset,  I just noticed how rude they were. I was in a good and forgiving  mood because the pipe-in music was The Beatles and who could be angry hearing “Here Comes the Sun”?

Anyways, hindi na ako bibili na hinayupak na tindahan na yan sa Shangri-la. I’m a fan of the salestaff of the Greenbelt HealthyOptions branch: they’re polite kahit na one time I was wearing muddy sneakers and a ripped t-shirt. They still gave me the full wattage of their smiles, and they asked how I was and my baby (syempre smart sila, seeing that I always bought  baby food it was plain commonsense that I had a baby). I’m writing this just in case naggo-google ang management ng Healthy Options. I’m not really upset now, but am a little pissed off. Paano pa kaya sila if they’re dealing with even ‘lesser mortals?’

Tomorrow I’ll have the receipt scanned and pasted here. Hmmm.

Miko’s encounter with Jollibee

Miko looks bored, doesn't she?

Ang daming developments, hindi ko na malaman kung ano ang uunahin. Matagal-tagal na din akong hindi nagbo-blog. Wala rin kasing panahon, at pag may panahon naman, mas Facebook ang hinaharap, hay.

Congressman na ang berdugong si Jovito Palparan! Kahila-hilakbot! Bumabaligtad ang sikmura ko tuwing iniisip ko na tatawagin siyang ‘Your Honor.” It goes beyond all reason and sanity that a man like him should be allowed to hold public office; but then again, this is, after all, the Philippines where children and even babies are tagged as NPA sympathizers and then shot to death by the military. This is a country with officials the likes of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, Norberto Gonzales, Raul Gonzalez, Eduardo Ermita. This is a country where people still die of tuberculosis and from eating killer mushrooms, puffer fish, rootcrops. This is a country where almost a thousand political activists have been killed and the so-called authorities profess to finding not a single clue as to who the killers were or why the victims were killed.

So congressman na si Palparan.

Sana abutan siya ng katarungan isang araw,  isang araw na sana’y di gaanong katagalan o kalayuan.

—–

Our happiness that Raymond Palatino, Atty. Neri Colmenares and Ka Joel Maglunsod was somewhat diluted because of the news that Palparan would also be taking office.  But then again, sino nga ba si Palparan sa kalikingkingan pa lang ni Mong?

–

Last Saturday I took Kimiko to her first Jollibee party. It was my pamangkin Abby’s seventh birthday, and the parents went all -out for it.  I wish they’d chosen some other place to hold Abby’s party, but apparently all the kids are nuts for the giant bubuyog, so…It wasn’t like they had a choice in the matter.

To my relief (and pride), Miko wasn’t scared of the mascots.  I was a little worried that Miko would scream and throw a tantrum of fear once Jollibee and Hetty Spaghetti made their entrance (some of the other kids ran away crying, hiding behind their parents); but Miko just looked on.  Truth be said, Miko looked a tad bored with Jollibee, but showed a little interest in Hetty : most probably because I told her that Hetty was her Dolly, only bigger (Miko has a Cabbage Patch doll we christened redundantly ‘Dolly’).

While all the other children (the ones who didn’t freak out) swarmed forward hugging, touching Jollibee and Hetty, dancing with them, Miko stayed still in my arms, looking on, an indifferent observer. I guess I was also a little sad that she didn’t have a better time at the party, but heck, what can I do, at 9 months, she already has the temperament of a bored and jaded adult.

Yesterday we took her to see her doctor, and Miko’s grew by three centimeters in three weeks, yay!

—-

Am done with the short draft of the book of Ka Bel’s bio. It was very hard going, working on it.  It still hurt to read and write about Ka Bel. Sometimes I’d forget that he’s already gone, and I’d smile at remembering certain things he’d said or done;  and then it would yet again hit me that he’s not there anymore.

May 20 is his first death anniversary. I haven’t even gone to visit his grave.

—

I’m learning to cut dead wood.  I don’t have the energy, the will, or the time to keep ties that haven’t led anywhere in the last two years.  I’m happy with the friends that I have, and those I haven’t seen, talked to, or made contact with in the last two years don’t really qualify as friends anymore, so delete-delete-delete.

Just this afternoon I unfriended a (former) friend and ex-activist who included Prof. Jose Ma. Sison among the five people she wants to punch in the face.  Delete-delete-delete. Simple.

–

Am so looking foward to Star Trek Enterprise! Ilang tulog na lang!

Parrot saves baby and other happy stories

So many things happening all at once, and often it’s hard to make head and tails of them.For the most part, while I’m not exactly drifting from day to day (work and Kimiko make sure of that), I feel somewhat at a loss: so much to digest, but the weight on the heart cannot be easily dismissed. The issues that make us question the chances of humanity evolving into something more noble and, well, humane, are difficult to comprehend. It’s a daily struggle to not give up on humanity, what with the reports of rape, the murder of children, violence against the innocent and the helpless.

So I make it a point now to read the Certified Odd reports in the newssites.

The other day, the Red Cross awarded a medal to a parrot who saved a baby: The mother went to bathroom, leaving the baby in the high chair. The parrot squawked and squawked ‘Mama, baby! Mama, baby!’ when it saw the baby choking, and the mother (or maybe it was just a sitter?) rushed to apply the Heimlich maneuver on the baby.

That story made my day and I was all smiles everytime I remembered it.

— I wrote the above paragraphs yesterday, but I had to stop because, well, I had to go back to work and I blog only when there’s a hiatus (however brief).

I was much more cheerful yesterday, because today’s batch of new stories include a member of Hustisya being gunned down (a mom, 37 years old, leaving behind two kids aged 8 and 10); and a supposed top-ranking member of the New People’s Army (NPA) being apprehended in Central Luzon.

The only happy news today is that the murder case against NDFP chief political consultant Prof. Jose Ma. Sison has been, finally and irrevocably, dismissed by the Dutch courts.

I remember writing in an old journal that happiness is such a fickle friend: it seldom visits, and when it does, you’re always afraid that it would leave so soon and sure enough, it does. Pain, in the meantime, is more loyal, and constant in its devotion.

In Facebook.com (yes, I have an account and yes, am not ashamed to admit that I’m addicted to it: I have next to no social life now but thanks to Facebook, I have a virtual one; but I digress) there’s a bunch of quizzes, and one of them went “Who’s the philosopher you’re most similar to?” So I took it and the answer was Nietzsche. I wasn’t surprised at all. Doom and gloom, that’s me. I worry a lot, get saddened by the smallest things, and my grief can fit stadiums and football fields.

The Odds and Ends and Classified Weird segments in the news sites make me smile, though. Gad, the strangest things people do when they’re annoyed as hell. There’s a series of stories about senior citizens making 911 calls complaining that McDonald’s has run out of chicken McNuggets or lemonade; or stopped serving breakfast 5 minutes before it should have (11am).

But mostly I like news about animals like dolphins and koalas being rescued or people doing random acts of kindness for total strangers. That sort of thing makes me think that there might be hope for humanity after all. It’s always a battle between light and dark, good and evil; but apathy always reigns its ugly head and often the balance tips in favor of the dark and evil. Indifference to the plight of others is, I think, the greatest social evil. When we tolerate injustice, when we turn a blind eye to the hunger and poverty of others.

There are days when my head literally buzzes with anger because of the utter stupidity and callousness of fellow passengers on the MRT. There are so many people who couldn’t effing care less when they see pregnant women, women carrying babies, and old folk struggling to keep upright, fighting momentum and gravity as the train shifts to second gear or when it slows down. There are these idiots who pretend they see nothing, or worse, they feign sleep as they sit there and right across them, a person stands helpless against the laws of physics and the limitations imposed by biology.

If looks could kill, I would’ve been a serial killer already.

—

It’s been a while since I read fiction.

Or rather, since I read fiction meant for adults (not counting the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer which is for teenagers and tweeners).

The last four months I’ve read nothing but books for babies and toddlers, and whenever I get the chance to visit a Booksale branch, I gravitate towards the bins where the children’s books are.

Needless to say, I’ve already spent a small fortune on books for kids; but it’s all worth it because as far as I can tell, Miko likes it when we read to her. It’s a little uncanny to see her sit so still when I read to her, and she actually seems to listen. She turns from my face to look at the page I’m reading, and then back to my face again. Sometimes she tries to take the book, but if it’s too heavy for her (am guilty of reading books to her that are not age appropriate – like the classic Winnie the Pooh stories which I bought, all in one hardbound collection for a mere P450!), she drops on her tummy and I lay the book in front of her and there she’d lie, looking at the drawings.)

I’m on the lookout for a copy of “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak. How frustrating that Powerbooks and Fully Booked don’t sell copies!

—

Easier to blame Azazel

Every time I troll through the various local news sites, I remind myself that I will not, I repeat, will not read the crime stories or the ones that describe children being hurt or maimed because of the stupidity and/or viciousness of adults.

I always fail. Somehow I always end up reading about depravity, gratuitous violence, and heartbreaking tragedies, and for the rest of the day I feel worried and unsettled and sometimes even depressed.

Is it just me or are the crimes getting worser and worser as one of those fantastic creatures in Alice in Wonderland (or it Through The Looking Glass? Whichever)? Family members butchering each other, friends hacking or shooting each other to death, children being raped by neighbors, police executing suspects of carnapping. I cringe everytime I read the reports, but gad, my eyes seem glued to the webpage and my right hand seems to have a life of its own as it manuevers the mouse to scroll down.

The contents of the tabloids are the stuff of nightmares, and so many people are living them. It’s a wonder that the human race continues to thrive (if this state we’re all in can be called  ‘thriving’, nevermind the advancements  in science and technology); we all might as well go back to living in the stone ages with the way we all deal with one another.

I myself confess to having a mercurial (read: hotheaded and impatient) temper. I  sometimes fear that one day, in my impatience with other people who are severely lacking in commonsense or are plain stupid/who take advantage of their badges and so-called positions of responsibility in government, I might just end up whacking someone on the head with the business end of an umbrella.

Years ago I saw this movie starring Denzel Washington called ‘The Fallen.” In it, a devil named Azazel goes around the world doing insane and vicious mishief: he touches one person and the indivual commits violence to other like shooting grandmothers crossing the street or throwing babies in the river (I forget specifically the cases Washington – a cop – handled); then he jumps to another person, leaving the previous individual whose mind he occupied completely unaware that he had become a cold-blooded killer.

Two weeks ago my friend Reginald ‘Chi’ Brotonel visited from Hong Kong, and over dinner we talked about the insanity of the violence that takes place in Philippine society day in and day out. Of course we talked about structural violence and its proponents in this unblinkingly despicable government; but what struck both Chi and I is how random the smaller crimes are, and in the same stance, how mind-numbingly violent.

Maybe it’s Azazel, we mused.

But not to put the blame on imaginary devils, the truth is that the kind of culture and the kind of values this society creates is not one that will allow people to respond, live up to and act on the more altruistic, kinder, gentler side of their natures.  The sins condemned by the Catholic bible and other sacred texts of other world religions (including the New Age ones) proliferate because we have a society that allows worse sins continue unpunished; impunity reigns, and everything that spits at the face of goodness  follows. It’s a deeply flawed world where the godless and selfish walk without shame.

I believe that people can be  be kinder, more compassionate and less selfish if most of us did not suffer hunger and see our own children fall prey to sickness and disease.

I believe that people can react immediately and automatically to injustice if most of us did not suffer injustice daily at the hands of those who promise with forked tongues that they would protect us and our rights.

I believe that people can   be less selfish if not most of us did not have to fear that that there would be no next meal; that the humble shelter we call home will be torn down and destroyed; that the jobs we hold will not be taken away from us because of calulated greed.

I believe that people can be taught to drop all their petty but potentially destructive vices like drinking alcohol if they were given other venues to exorcise their personal demons or to simply relax (hey, a state-of-the-art  movie theater in every home!).

Hay, to be good. Naka-kabit pa rin yan sa lipunan, kung paano tayo pinalaki at kung anong klaseng lipunan ang ating kinalakhan. The rich and well-off  have all the material resources and the opportunities to help others, but they don’t. Many (o sige, most – seeing how Philippine is) opt to live their lives in a bubble, oblivious to the pain and suffering around them, indifferent to everything else but their shallow little pursuits and empty ambitions that serve no one but themselves. When they die, no one will mourn them but their families; and their lives carried the worth of paste jewelry.

I know am writing in generalities here, and I might be being unfair to  many rich people who do help the poor in their own way; but am writing in broad strokes, so to speak.

How do we fight evil in all its forms but to first begin to look beyond ourselves and our concerns? To look up from whatever it is that we’ve been doing in service of our own whims and wants, and then to take notice that others around us do not have the same chances and opportunities as we do: they’re all to busy trying to survive and to maintain whatever sense of dignity their poverty and lack of education allow them to. We could be less prone and susceptile to our human frailties and weaknesses that make some of us act and think less than human. We could embrace the godlier side of our natures, and help others embrace theirs and build a society where evil cannot exist and flourish.

Hmm, am thinking about socialism now.

Anyways, just writing down what’s been bugging me all morning. Crazy tabloid stories that speak so much about the kind of country and world we live in.

In anguish and in anger

Paanyaya para sa mga nakikidalamhati: To give tribute to the life sacrificed by Rebelyn Pitao, her remains will be transferred in Iglesia Filipina Independiente (IFI), F. Torres St., Davao City on Friday, March 13. The last mass and eulogy will be at 7:00 – 10:00 pm. On the day of her interment, an ecumenical mass for her wake will be held at 12:00 nn of the same venue. A funeral march will follow at 1:00 pm before she will be brought to her interment at Davao Memorial Park, 5:00 pm on Saturday, March 14.

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How enraging and insulting is it that the Macapagal-Arroyo government and the Armed Forces of the Philippines are denying involvement in the brutal slaying of Rebelyn Pitao? And the idiots in both the regime and the AFP are saying that it must have been other enemies of Rebelyn’s father and the entire New People’s Army who took her life out of the thirst for vengence. Hell-o! Wala nang iba pang kaaway ang NPA kundi ang mga bulok at kurakot sa gobyernong ito, at silang mga berdugo sa AFP!

Just when you begin to think that the AFP and the Arroyo government’s atrocities could get no worse (dahil sobra-sobra na ang kawalanghiyaan at tumataghoy na maging ang mga bato sa lupa dahil sa agos ng dugo ng mga inosente’t walang muwang), here they commit yet another act of evil — killing the daughter to get back at the father, and all in the name of a government that the people wishes to end; in adherence to a code that reeks of inhumanity and brutality.

Would it still be possible to appeal to the AFP? For the institution and its members down to the CAFGUs to adhere to the principles of International Humanitarian Law, to be humane even in their conduct of war, to respect the rights of civilians and those who have nothing to do with the armed conflict?

Leave the innocents alone; do not harm those whose only weapons of dissent are their voices: their rights are guaranteed and protected even in the very Constitution the soldiers swear to defend and uphold.

Sana hindi na lang nagsalita ang gobyerno. Mas mainam pang nagsawalang-kibo na lang ang Malacanang kaysa sa ginawa nitong paghuhugas -kumay at pagtatanggol pa nga sa AFP at pagsabing wala silang kinalaman sa sinapit, sa ginawang kahayupan kay Rebelyn. Wala namang nagdududa kung sino ang nasa likod ng pagpaslang sa kanya; wala namang ibang pinagsususpetsahan kundi ang mga elemento at ahenta ng militar at ang gobyernong kanilang sinusuhayan.

It is simply not possible to rest easy in this country. How can sleep comfortably at night knowing all these horrors? Each day is lived in anger, and in fear for those one loves.

This government knows nothing but death and destruction; bringing both to those who only seek to live life in dignity and peace and to be assured that justice is not blind and that it goes after those who dare violate the sanctity of life for the sake of protecting their greed and their consummate corruption.

The deep anguish Rebelyn’s family is shared by thousands of Filipinos. Their anger is also mirrored a thousand fold. Her killing is yet another reason to continue the struggle to change society, to fight against the oppression and violence of those who fear a transformation based on the demands and needs of the majority. Ang sakit na dinadanas ng pamilya ni Rebelyn ay hinding-hindi mawawala; pero tiyak din naman na ang hinagpis ito ay palagi ring tatambalan ng taimtim na pagnanais na ipagwagi ang sinimulang pakikibaka para sa tunay na demokrasya sa lipunan.

Batang guro

Rebelyn

Namatay ang sikat na rapper at artistang si Francis Magalona kaninang tanghali dahil sa sakit na luekemia. Marami ang magluluksa at nakikidalamhati sa kanyang iniwang pamilya. Napakabata pa kasi niya — 44– at marami pang maiaambag sa mundo ng sining at musika.

Samantala, pinatay naman ang isang hindi kilala at karaniwang guro  sa Toril Davao City. Bagamat hindi siya sikat gaya ni FrancisM, maraming-marami din ang nagluluksa dahil sa kanyang pagkawala, ngunit higit pa dito, maraming-marami ang nagagalit sa mga pumatay sa kanya.

Noong isang araw, Marso 3, pauwi na mula sa kanyang pagtuturo sa St. Peter College sa Toril, Davao ang 20-taong gulang na si Rebelyn Pitao. Marahil pagod siya dahil sa maghapong pagtayo at pagsasalita sa harap ng klase; maaring nakadama din siya ng kaunting pagka-inis dahil may makukulit siyang estudyante (likas na sa mga batang nasa elementarya ang maging pilyo at pilya; at elementarya ang noong tinuturuan ni Rebelyn mula nang pumasa siya sa eksam sa pagiging guro noong Nobyembre 2008). Kung ano’t-ano man, ordinaryo na sa dalaga ang umuwi sakay ng tricycle sa kanyang bahay kung nasaan ang kanyang nanay at iba pang kamag-anak.

Ano’t-ano pa at hinarang ang kanyang sinasakyang tricyle. Hinablot siya ng mga di kilalang kalalakihan  mula sa kanyang pagkakaupo sa likod ng drayber, at sapilitang isinakay sa isang puting van.

Iyon ang huling panahon na nakitang buhay si Rebelyn. Kagabi, bandang 6:30  nang matagpuan ang kanyang katawan: lumulutang sa ilog, hubad, may tinamong limang saksak sa dibdib, at maraming marka ng tortyur sa iba pang bahagi.

Sino ang mga halimaw na gumawa nito sa napakabatang guro — sa isang inosenteng walang ninais kundi ang magturo  sa mga bata na di kalayuan ang edad sa kanya at makatulong sa kanyang pamilya? Bakit ganun-ganun na lang ang kahayupang ginawa sa kanya, na puno ng galit at puot na sinaksak siya at sinakal, at parang basura na tinapon ang kanyang katawan sa ilog?

Si Rebelyn, dalaga, batang guro, sibilyan, ay anak ni Leoncio Pitao o Kumander Parago ng New People’s Army. Siya ay dinukot at walang awang pinahirapan at pinaslang ng mga miyembro ng Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) ng gobyerno ng Pilipinas.

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How can this government and its representatives even dare to assert that they respect and abide by the principles of International Humanitarian Law (IHL) or even plain human rights? The AFP and other mercenary troops of the GRP regularly attack, maim and kill civilians in their fruitless campaign to defeat the NPA.

Because they continue to fail in defeating the NPA, they resort to harming, hurting and killing civilians — burning their houses, terrorizing their children, abducting them, killing them and mutilating their remains.

Because they continue to fail capturing Kumander Parago, they abducted and brutally killed his daughter who held nothing in her hands but chalk and writing paper.

This government and its armed forces know a million and one ways to devastate the Filipino people. It holds nothing sacrosanct, it is coldly apathetic to the tears of anguish of children traumatized by the sight of their bloodied parents. It is indifferent to pleas for help, or at least an end to the suffering it brings to the lives of millions because of brutal economic policies; ruthless political strategies; relentless corruption and vicious military operations.

Rage, we must — we owe it to the countless innocents lives lost. We must use our voices to speak out against this unjust and inhumane violence and those who inflict it on us. We must use all our strength and will and might against that and those who make it impossible for the rest of us to sleep soundly at night, free of fear that the darkness will bring death, and that the coming daylight will mean more suffering on and on and on until death becomes something to long for and embrace.

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Para kay Rebelyn — ituloy ang pakikibaka para sa karapatang pantao, katarungan at isang lipunang ganap na malaya!

Go, Miko, Go!