Achieving Happiness

July 31, 2009

Questioning

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ina Alleco @ 7:22 am

sunshine1Sen. Jamby Madrigal has expressed her intent to run for the presidency in 2010.

I wish she didnt, and I wish she’d change her mind.

Don’t get me wrong; I think Ms. Madrigal is a worthy individual: she has done her best to be involved in important issues affecting the Filipino people. She has, is an active and vocal critic of his godforsaken government, and a close ally in the fight against corruption.

Given all this, though, the news that she wants to run for president dismayed me.

Ms. Madrigal can continue doing her good work without jumping into the presidential fray which is certain to be disgustingly dirty. And, sadly, it’s not likely that she’ll win. Sayang lang ang panahon at rekurso. Mas mainam kung sumuporta na lang siya samga  ibang kandidato na, katulad niya, ay may magandang layunin para sa bayan at mamamayan. Katulad halimbawa nina Satur Ocampo, Liza Maza at Teddy Casino.

—-

Gloria partying in the US while the Philippines continues to go to hell in a handbasket. Nothing surprising there.

Many of my Facebook contacts and friends/comrades have been posting links of news reports and features on what GMA is doing in the US and the implications of her visit with US Prez Barrack Obama. As I scroll through them, I get more and more incensed, and it doesn’t help that at this very moment, I have a headache that eager to take itself to the next level and turn into a migraine.

Macapagal-Arroyo is such a lousy excuse for a president, for a human being even (list of crimes and atrocities as long as the Great Wall of China), and now here’s  Obama who once upon a time touted himself as the harbinger of change. So much for change. Okay, so maybe there’s change: worse to get even worser and worser.

What on earth could they possibly talk about and what are the chances that their talk could result to anything positive or good for the Philippines and the Filipino people? A devil cannot be an advocate for heaven, even if she pretends to have a pair of wings and a gleaming halo.

Pathetic, these presidents.  And hang this disgusting brand and exercise of bourgeois diplomacy and democracy.

——

I read Jodi Picoult’s  ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ and ended up crying. It’s a well-written book– and it makes you think. It makes you question yourself and your own views about issues you once thought were black and white; and this was a very good lesson for me. So now I’m reading all of her books which my mom bought and have previously read. And there’s a pattern in all of Picoult’s writing: she makes you confront your own processes of decision; of forming opinions. Are you hasty? Are you fair? Are you often subjective?

Often kasi – and this is a major weakness I am a little ashamed to admit —  I form opinions so strong that they’re sometimes unreasonable. Meaning sometimes I ignore reasonable arguments that could and even should impact on my opinions and change them for the better.  I form opinions about different things and different people, and then I get stuck with these opinions and they — and consequently I – never grow, improve, develop. I’m often too lazy.

Like for instance people. I don’t make friends very easily. I may appear friendly, and even gabby (sobrang daldal ko when I’m not 100% comfortable. Even in the company of people I like; strange, I know); in truth, I’m a shy person and I sometimes determine whether someone could be my friend or not on the basis of  whether they read or not (or what they read); or if they like animals (and which animals). These are pretty pathetic reasons for friendship, I know that, but that’s me. And I don’t make much of an effort to reach out to people.  Mostly because I don’t feel that they have anything to contribute to my personal well-being (and in turn, I don’t have anything to give them, either). It sounds snooty, I know; but again, it’s actually laziness, and the bad habit of putting people in boxes.  If 10 years ago you were a jerk to me, chances are now I’d still view you as a jerk, and nevermind if you gave P10 million in donations to the charity ward of the PGH or Fabella Women’s Hospital.

Nothing is ever completely black and white; and people’s aren’t boxes: they have far too many sides and if you neglect seeing some of these sides, you might end up being sorry in your subjectivity forming opinions about people who could have been good friends.

These days, I  am evaluating my life and certain choices and decisions I have made. I’ve realized that  the things I used to be certain, so sure about are not sure and certain things anymore.  Is it a sign of finally growing up? Maybe.  It’s a sad process at the same time, though: it means coming to terms with the things I used to believe in so firmly and finding that believing in them does not mean automatically that they will be real; that I can see, feel, touch and experience them.

It’s all the harder because my bestfriend isn’t here and he’s so far away and it’s simply not possible to explain these things over the internet.

Nothing is black and white; and even the ideals you hold dearest you will not exist all the time in all the forms you want. Quite simply, one has to lower one’s standards and adjust. That or let go. And I don’t want to let go. But neither do I want to adjust my standards because my standards are CORRECT and I have lived them with them as an activist for so long and I have been taught by the best.

It’s just in the current situation I’m in, there are so many flaws and they all have to do with, what, upbringing? proper attitude? ideological maturity?

This entry is turning out more to be self-revealing than I like, but hey, I need to write this down and I can’t do it with ink because my hand is too slow and my thoughts are flowing like water from a newly-installed faucet and the dam just opened.

—–

I am up for a major change in the next two weeks, and I am so relieved.

I will be firm, I will be mature, I will be worthy of my teachers and mentors.

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